The Day After Game 7 of the NBA Finals
US Magazine
Please regard the following: this is not going to be an article for the kids. Realize that I am going to write from my very hurt heart, realize that the following will be the true reaction from a true fan and will probably only make sense to some…
WE WERE UP 3–1 WITH TWO HOME GAMES LEFT!!!
Oh my f*ck Dub Nation. I can’t believe we didn’t finish. Yes, I get it, if you were to come to me 10-years ago and tell me, “Hey, in 10-years your basketball team will have a chance to not only win back-to-back titles, but also solidify a record-breaking 73-win season,” I would’ve told you, “No, I’m a Warriors fan.” And more so, if you were to tell me that “Hey, also on top of that 73-win season, your star player will be a 6’3”, 180-pound light-skinned baby-faced assassin with not only the family to compete against the first black president’s family’s fame, but will also have a unanimous MVP vote and will single-handedly resurrect Under Armour’s franchise,” I would’ve told you that Mickael Pietrus is hella French and black and that’s impossible because Under Armour would never need resurrection, and then I’d continue to burn LimeWire mixtapes for my Walkman.
Yes, I want to acknowledge that I am very proud of the Warriors’ 2015–2016 season. I am very proud that I will have the privilege to remind people 20-years from now about this magical season, but there’s now always going to be that argument…
“You didn’t win a championship…”
Let that sink in a little bit. Ugh, it’s like a rigid-sword slowing going into your side.
First off, I don’t know what to do, so I’m going to blame Craig Sager. In the midst of all the NBA “rigged” drama, Craig Sager snuck into the NBA Finals for the first time and more than likely ruined the whole thing for us. He’s the only variable that I can point to that won’t have a legitimate argument to defend itself. Sager you should’ve stayed away, your suits distracted my team and we lost, your suits are horrible but you’re a legend and I’m very happy about successful recovery.
I’m a little torn between emotions right now and this was probably the worst argument but I’m keeping it. Onward.
Next, Harrison Barnes.
Hi Harry, remember what we were doing for the past week or so? We were playing in the f*ckin NBA Finals! You know that series where if you win you get to be NBA Champions? Yeah, that was going on, you choke artist. Bye bye to that max contract you could’ve had…
But in all seriousness, consider staying in Oakland. We’ll definitely give you a good payout and while someone else can pay more, no one will love you like we do. Stay.
Or leave… I don’t care anymore… Shoot another three and miss for someone else.
Richard Jefferson, you traitor. I used to like your bald a**. I remember you used to do well for us during those two-years of sucking. I liked you even more because you were a part of that trade that got rid of Andris Biedrins. Thanks RJ. But now, I hate your old a**. Yes, you surprised the hell out of us in this series. You provided solid work for your team, but I still hate you. I respect you, because you played without being a little b*tch, but I hate you.
Kyrie Irving, you son of a b. Damn, your Uncle Drew ass came to play. I still don’t believe that if you played last year, you would’ve made a difference but wolly-wombats, you sure did this time around. I really did not want you to do well, but gosh-golly, you did. I can’t even hate on your performance. I amgoing to hate on something else though because I’ve been waiting for another Uncle Drew video for like, forever now. I’m excited to see another one of those videos, but I’m, for-absolutely-sure, going to thumbs down it. Out of pure hate and spite, I’ll thumbs down the hell out of it.
Who’s next? Oh yeah, the b*tch, LeBron James. Oh my lord, I do not want to watch the 30-for-30 they’ll make about the “First Title in Cleveland”. I know, I’ve said that no championship title will ever come to Cleveland a bunch of times prior to this, and now I’m going to have to swallow those words. But, I’m definitely not going to watch that 30-for-30. They’re going to title it something cheesy too, like, “The Land of the King” or some crap like that. Yes, Cleveland you now can dust that mantle that’s been empty for 50+ years and put a Larry O’Brien Trophy there, but please realize that along with our asterisk next to our 73-wins, you’ll have one too.
If it wasn’t for that b*tch a** move in Game-4, Draymond wouldn’t have gotten suspended and we would’ve whooped that ass in Game-5 and would’ve been celebrating by that Friday with a healthy Andrew Bogut. Yes, Draymond should’ve never taken the bait, but c’mon, Bron Bron’s Bron-Brons were on Draymond’s forehead — you’d be swinging for something too. Also, if the refs were so uptight about Draymond’s attitude, what about LeBron’s? Was I the only one noticing that after every big play by LeB*tch, he’d turn to talk trash to Stephen or Draymond? Isn’t there something called “taunting”? And don’t you get warned for that? Or how about after every foul, LeBaby would run to a ref and scream at them? While Draymond has to ask politely to ask the ref about the call. Readers, there’s no conspiracy in the NBA, but there is a bias. “McFLy, the Warriors came back from a 3–1 deficit against OKC and Draymond should’ve been suspended from that other kick to Steven Adams”.
Shut up. I don’t want to talk about the last series. I wanted to win this one.
…UGH! I don’t even want to watch ESPN for the next two weeks…
They’re going to talk about how LeBaby-Back B*tch went down in the final minute of the game and through “sheer will” he got back up and resiliently continued to fight for the Land. Oh they’re going to play that sh*t out. LeBron couldn’t just win a championship, he had to make it dramatic too. Damn, they’re going to talk about how LeBolo Wacko responded to the comments by the Warriors after Game-4 and unleashed the beast for 41-points back-to-back, but he’s still a b*tch. You have three rings, four MVPs, 12 All-Star appearances and I’ll still say you’re a b*tch.
I’m bitter. My team lost a 3–1 lead in the NBA Finals. We went from the historic team that were arguably better than Jordan’s Bulls to that team that let a team come back from 3–1. I can’t even explain what’s going through my mind right now.
I guess we’ll get ’em next year Dub Nation. F*ck the Cavs. Go Warriors. McFly out.
From The Stands 